Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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