i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
