first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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