we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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