what day is it and did you see me today?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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