He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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