yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
