drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
