Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
