Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
