Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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