Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
