brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
