Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
