Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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