Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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