Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
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He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
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Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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