apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
