all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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