its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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