just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
