i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
