i think i have herpe
just one?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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