Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
