I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
