I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
