I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
