google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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