a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
