About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
