dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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