do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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