I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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