how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
