Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
