i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
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I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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