just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
50% drunk capacity currently
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
