I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
