Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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