At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
