Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
