dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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