i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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