I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I will pee on everything he values.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
