I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
