the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
