Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The best revenge is premature balding
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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