i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
