69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
