She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
