8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
