There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
