Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
