He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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