Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
