I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
