Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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