I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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