i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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