But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
