we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
