you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Everyone says I win the strip club
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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