Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
