I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize