yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
4 words: hood of his car
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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