I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
