I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize