Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Ladies don't puke and tell
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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