I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
