i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
