Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
