arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
