the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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