so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
