I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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