Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
