Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
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Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
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So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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