Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
