her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
