There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
