DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
