i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my being single is dangerous.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
you made out with another girl for some wings
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
